So I was at starbucks the other day…
How many of you know how to order coffee?
Okay…you guys are obviously not Starbucks customers
So how many of you know how to order from Starbucks?
You can’t just go up to the guy at the cash register and say, “hey I want a large coffee?” Anybody try that?
Starbucks doesn’t have large coffees, or medium or small ones either.
Oh no, if you want small, you have to ask for tall. Since when is small tall?
Does this mean those basketball players you watch of ESPN are small, not tall?
And by Starbucks logic, since tall is small, that would make Shaq who is very tall, what, very small, or just plain teeny?
I don’t get it. If I want a large cup of coffee I can’t just say big, or large.
Oh no, first I have to learn another language so that I know that large is actually grande.
And for those of you who want a really huge cup of coffee you can’t super size it. You gotta ask for a Venti cup.
So I did a little research on the word Venti. I’m thinking it must be Italian or something.
I didn’t find out if it was Italian or not but I did find that it has something to do with data storage in computers.
What data storage has to do with coffee, I’ll never know. I guess I should ask someone at Starbucks.
Then there are the specialty drinks, and this is where it gets complicated. I have a cousin who just started college. Do you know they have a class called Starbucks culture?
It’s true. Apparently by the time the class is over, you’ll know how to order at Starbucks.
You’ll be the one guy in line Monday morning who asks for a grande, extra hot, no foam, non fat, no whip, latte in a venti cup with an add shot, and actually know what you just ordered.
For most of you the coffee ordering experience is kinda like being at a French restaurant, looking at a French menu, and ordering dinner for two in French.
You have no idea what you just ordered until the waiter brings out deep fried frog’s legs sautéed with crispy brown locusts.
Seriously, I am considering switching from Starbucks to any place that I can order a small coffee and get a small coffee back.
Petes, here I come.